Paula Christophersen recalls how, when she first walked into a Quaker meeting in the UK, as a “spiritual but not religious” person just over half a decade ago, “It almost felt as if… this faith I was discovering fell cleanly through my head and into my heart.”It didn’t insult my intelligence,” she adds.
“It didn’t discourage me from questioning. It allowed me to think about it deeply, and to explore—and at the same time, it felt right, from the very start.”
“I found it surprisingly easy to settle into the silence,” Paula says. “Usually, meditation is very hard for me; I have a very active ADHD brain… and just being present on my own is hard. But being in that silence, I felt so comfortable, so calm, so held.”
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Transcript:
At the point where I met Quakers for the first time, in October of 2018, I had already been on this journey of spiritual discovery quite some time — trying to find what’s true for me and faith and religion. So I was in this category of “Oh, I’m spiritual but I’m not religious.”, and realizing I didn’t really know what I meant by that. I had talked to some Christians, I talked to Jewish people, I talked to Bahai, to Muslims. I guess you can say I came to my first meeting with housing my and prepared. And the beautiful experience was that, joining Quakers, it almost felt as if this community of faith, this faith that I was discovering fell cleanly through my head and into my heart. It didn’t insult my intelligence, It didn’t discourage me from questioning. It allowed me to to think about it deeply and to explore and at the same time help right from the very start.
My name is Paula Christophersen. I am from Lüneburg in Northern Germany. I worship at Hanover meeting. I belonged the northwest area meeting. And I’m here representing European and Middle Eastern Young Friends. At my first ever meeting for worship I was late — not knowing what a Quaker meeting house looks like. Does it look like house people live in? Does it look like a church? Does it have like a meeting house and big letters on it? Or do I have to, like, scrutinize the signs in front to see where I’m going. And so by the time I’d found it, it was ten past the hour. So I thought, “Oh, you know, now I know where it is. I’m just going to come back next Sunday. But I’m going to get a bit closer. Just have a look. And so I, I went through the glass window in the front door and a friend opened the door for me and said to want to come in. And I was the insecure, sayin “I-I don’t know if I’ve never been here. I’m late.” He said, “Oh it doesn’t matter. You can come in.” And so I followed his invitation and went into the meeting room.
15 or 20 friends gathered silence. I’ve never met any of them. I’ve never spoken of words to any of them. And I was determined to just be there and experience, right? Knowing that I’m a guest in this community once experience a meeting for worship. And I was very sure that I was not going to speak. I know myself and I do like to talk. I I have a lot of ideas and thoughts, but I really felt that being respectful to this community would be not to barge in and tell them anything of mine to come open, to listen to what they have to offer. And I found it surprising easy to settle into the silence. Usually meditation is very hard for me. I have a very active ADHD brain who wants to get up to all kinds of things, and just being present on my own is hard. But being in that silence I felt so comfortable, so calm, so held.
And a Friends stood up and gave ministry. And there was silence again. A second friend gives ministry. Silence again. I was moving these words in my heart. And then words came, and I told myself, “This is your ego speaking. You do not have to be part of every conversation just because you have thoughts in the matter. You’re not the one who has to speak right now. You’re a guest. You’re not here to minister. But my heart started beating so fast, and I remember I kind of found myself on my feet. I don’t really remember standing up; and thinking, if I try to speak now, I’m going to forget all of my English. But I also read that you should trust that words will given to you. And I did. And they were. I gave ministry on understanding culture as a living thing, something that needs diversity to evolve. And I sat back down and immediately my heart was again.
And that was a profound experience and it was followed by some more delicious silence and my first round of tea and biscuits and friends and I came back the next Sunday and the Sunday after that, this and that. And then every other Sunday until my time in the UK came to its end. I think the idea of sitting in silence for an hour with people you’ve never met before, it’s quite daunting to a lot of people. You might say that it’s an awkward silence or a very boring silence. Nothing much happens. You might be afraid that you’re doing it wrong. So I think everyone’s curious about it, I just want to affirm that meeting for worship, means being together in warm silence and welcome and silence. In a silence that we stay in because we know what we are gathered around is beyond words — and a silence that acknowledges that we can bring all of who we are, just as we are, into that space. You just have to be open for spirit to move through you — and if something wants to be said through you, you can trust that words will be given to you and you can trust it belongs. You can know you belong. And just surrender to being in that. Not having to do or be anything but present.
Discussion Question:
- What was your first quaker meeting experience?
The views expressed in this video are of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Friends Journal or its collaborators.
thank you for this episode. paula’s heart and mind are present as she revels in the silence.
I can really relate to her first experience at Meeting for Worship. I had so many of the same thoughts and feelings. This is a warm and welcoming personal introduction. Thank you!
Thank you, Paula!
You put it very well and I recognized my experience in yours.
Our Meeting in Brooklyn, NY is currently blessed with an influx of young people who are looking for what you describe.
I hope many people see this interview!
Inga Schwarzkopf